Dads Are (Harried) Parents, Too!

In a recent mailing I included the statement:
"(The mind is the first thing to go when thereare young children around and it's followed quickly by money.)"

The next day I received an email from a subscriber telling me about an article she had written because the statement hit close to home and reminded her of the article.

The article had been written for Father's Day but I think it's true for all parents all the time so I am putting it here for your enjoyment.

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Dads Are (Harried) Parents, Too!

My husband thought he was immune to the apparent "Lost-Mind-Syndrome" that had afflicted me during our childrens' toddler years. What, you haven't heard of "Lost-Mind-Syndrome"? Okay, so maybe it's nothing more than being scatter-brained from having ten thousand things to do each and every day! But read on to see that even the most practical-minded man is no match for the beleaguered mind-weariness of parenting!

I think it was during our toddler invasion years (we had three at home) when I realized that losing one's mind--particularly a portion of the memory feature--was an unavoidable by-product of parenting. Why didn't the baby books warn that lost car keys, lost eye glasses, lost bottles and pacifiers--things that turn routine days into triathlons--would become par for the course? There is probably a specialized branch of the government mothers should work for. Who else can conduct a frantic search for vital home security items in less than a minute--and still make it to the pediatrician's office on time?

My husband has hinted that "lost-mind-syndrome" (or, LMS, as we affectionately call it) after parenthood can only happen if one is prone to it in the first place. In other words, that I was really just plain nuts and parenting was bringing it out. Ha! Little did he know that his day would come!

I admit that I had been displaying grave signs of the malady: There was the time we were traveling with two friends when we had to stop so Mike (my husband) could check the engine. Climbing back into the driver’s seat he complained that he'd gotten some antifreeze on his bare arm. Instantly a wayward maternal instinct leapt up in me like an alarm and I blurted, “Don’t lick your arm!” To peals of laughter from the backseat, my husband thanked me profusely for reminding him not to lick his arm since, of course, he was in a terrible habit of doing so.

Another time we were visiting friends and I spotted a pretty lamp, which our hostess explained was a "touch-lamp," the kind you simply have to touch to turn on. They were NEW at the time, and, impressed, I gushed, “Oh, so it’s good for blind people!” For the split-second the thought was in my head until I spoke it aloud, it actually had made sense. Acute LMS in action.

Fortunately lots of parents display symptoms of the syndrome, so I never feel alone. For instance, at the supermarket you can always spot the harried parents at the checkout: they are the ones rocking the shopping cart back and forth. No matter that baby is home—they don’t even know they’re doing it.

Or the 19 mothers in the department store who turn their heads simultaneously when a young child cries "Mommy!" The brain affected by LMS always thinks, "that could be my child!" So what if we left the kids home with Dad? Reality has nothing to do with it. Yup, and friends tell me I am not the only one who has offered a visitor a nicely warmed bottle of milk instead of the tea they were expecting. And I've actually seen other people begin to chop meat into teensy, tiny little pieces--for their spouse.

Often, when bottles or Binky's were missing, my husband would shake his head. "Didn't we just buy a few?" he'd say. I could answer that yes, we had, without even thinking about it--we were ALWAYS just buying a few.

One evening I had just finished bathing our two older kids. As I walked past the den Mike spotted me and asked, worried, “Is the (baby) gate on the stairs closed? Make sure it’s closed!” I saw that Matthew, our youngest at 16 months, was safe for the moment, but I checked the gate anyway. It was closed.

When I passed Mike again shortly afterwards, he fretted, “Did you leave the bathroom door open? Matthew could be getting into the bathroom!” He was worried that I had left water in the tub, and that Matt might be at risk. I had not left water in the tub and stopped in my tracks, suprised to see Mike getting even more indignant. I hadn't even answered the question when he demanded, “Where is Matthew, anyway? WHERE IS HE?!”

I gazed at my husband, shaking my head softly. In a gentle voice I broke the news to him: ”Honey, you’re feeding him.” I felt sorry for the guy as he looked down at Matthew on his lap, sucking quietly from a bottle, and it hit him: He, too, had lost his mind!

Ah, isn’t marriage and parenting great? Give the dad in your house an extra big hug this Father's Day. He deserves it!

Linore Rose Burkard writes Inspirational Regency Romance as well as articles on Regency Life, Homeschooling, and Self-Improvement. She publishes a monthly eZine "Upon My Word!" which you can receive for FREE by signing up at her website quickly and easily. Ms. Burkard graduated from the City University of New York with a Magna Cum Laude degree in English Literature, and now lives in Ohio with her husband and five children. If you are a faith-based writer and would like to contribute to her textbook project "Revelations" go to: http://www.linoreroseburkard.com/RevProject.html for more information

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Linore_Rose_Burkard

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Hope you enjoyed the article and Thank You Linore for sharing.

To Your Success,
Susan

"Oh well, let's make the best of it."

On August 9, 2006 I asked my readers what they thought of the high price of gasoline and 1 of my subscribers included some information concerning the "Oh well" syndrome.
Here is an excerpt from the newsletter with my response to his information -

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What upsets me more than the gas prices is another thing Darell included in his message, "... one of the editors at our paper wrote a column in the paper recently about the "Oh well" syndrome. It told that today, no matter what happens, if a mistake is made no matter what size the answer is Oh well. He went on to say, that what bothered him was that it was accepted as an answer, with little or no after thought. Oh well."

While I do agree that no one needs the extra stress of worrying about things we have no control over and can't change - I also contend that there is very little in this world we have no control over and can't change. We can't control the weather or whether or not the sun will shine and as single individuals we can't control inflation, gas dependency, or the high cost of health insurance.

And maybe that's the real problem - we all think like "we're only 1 person" so we have no control. But Thomas Jefferson was only 1 person, Mohandas Gandhi was only 1 person, Winston Churchill was only 1 person and Florence Nightingale was only 1 person. Yet all of them and many more did make a difference by showing us that we can take control.

I am glad none of them had the "Oh well syndrome."

Sorry - now I'll get off my soapbox.

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Now I was going to leave this subject alone and move on however after the disturbing call I received from my youngest daughter last week, I've decided it's time to make a stand on both the "Oh well" and the "Let's make the best of it" syndromes.

Just so you'll understand why I've included the "Let's make the best of it" syndrome here's a brief description of why the call was disturbing -

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Background:
Daughter getting married and putting photos in invitations. Invitations are done like a scrapbook so photos must be included.

When pictures were to be taken the studio did not give them the place or opportunity to check appearance or choice of backdrops.

When proofs were shown they were so small and fuzzy they could not be seen however the photographer insisted it was the old computer and the pictures were all quite good.

When they picked up the pictures my daughter kept saying she didn't like the pictures but the photographer and her fiancé stated they were acceptable.

While she was assembling the invitations she asked her friends and they didn't think the pictures were good either but she should "make the best of it." And when she talked to her fiancé he stated the same thing.

Call:
Daughter in tears because the pictures made her face look distorted and she was ashamed to send them out.

Side Note - Although I am a biased mother, my daughter is very attractive and photographs well. Every professional picture taken to this point has made her look like live porcelain doll with large blue eyes. She also looked good in home photographs.

Also, weddings are 1 of the most important events in a woman's life and 1 where they want everything to be perfect or at least the best they can be.

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Not being a person who subscribes to the "Oh well" or "Let's make the best of it" syndromes I immediately told my daughter, "You paid for something you didn't get so stand up for yourself and have them do it right."

I also explained that this should have been done immediately either when they saw the proofs (she said they could not see them well enough to know at that point) or when they were picking the pictures up. She agreed and was then hesitant to do anything because these times had passed.

I then urged her to call the studio manager and explain everything as she had done for me and tell him how upset she was. She didn't have to get mad, just express her true feelings. (Sometimes you do have to get mad but that's a last resort and doesn't have to be done often.)

She did as I suggested and the result was - free retakes.

According to her the new pictures are so good they even ordered more.

Now back to my soapbox.

In all matters of your life you do not have to accept everything as "that's the way it is so let's make the best of it". You have the right to expect and get a certain degree of excellence.

Examples:

• If you go to a restaurant and they undercook or overcook your food you have the right to send it back and have it prepared properly.
• If you purchase a defective tool and it breaks the first time you use it (you should be using it properly) you have the right to return it.
• If you purchase a food item before it's "sell by" date and find it bad you have the right to return it.
• If you pay for a professional service and don't get professional work you have the right to either get a refund or have them do it right.

You have all these rights and more!

The "Oh well" and "Let's make the best of it" syndromes are ruining the quality of products, service and life for everyone.

When the majority people don't demand good quality and just accept what they're given, quality goes down for everyone and only those who are willing to say "I want what I paid for." will get it.

Living in a world where people will say -

• "Oh well, let's make the best of it and fill up on mashed potatoes since the chicken is undercooked." or
• "Oh well, let's make the best of it and use a dinner knife since the new screwdriver broke." or
• "Oh well, let's make the best of it and snack on our dry cereal since the milk was sour when I bought it." or
• "Oh well, let's make the best of it and see if Mom can trim the uneven hair in back."

should not be acceptable to anyone because everyone deserves some degree of quality.

As an individual I've had every one of the above lack of quality experiences however I didn't say "Oh well, let's make the best of it." I've gone back, expressed my concern and have been given refunds or the product/service with the amount of quality expected.

Did I expect perfection? No. Nothing is perfect however things should be at least satisfactory.

Did I get made and yell? No. Acting calmly and friendly is the best way to go.

Did I get what I expected? Yes. I had to point out what was expected and they agreed and gave it to me.

The first step to improving the quality for everyone is for you to join me and take a stand to not be an "Oh well" or "Let's make the best of it" person. While 1 person can not change the world, if we act together and become the majority, the quality of things must conform to the demands of the majority and things should get better for everyone.

Will you join me? Will you start standing up for yourself and the rest of us and demand good products and services? I sure hope so because it's been a lonely battle for a long time.

To Your Success,
Susan